Penguin RushHardly impresses me...
Hmmm... after spending about a week celebrating Raya, all I can say is that it was a fabulous Raya, an enjoyable (though somewhat tiring) and an unforgettable one. After all, me and wife have a new family member whom we could enjoy the celebration with.
During the course of over 6 months in raising Ikhwan, me and wife have seen tremendous changes on Ikhwan. He now seldom cries and throws his tantrums, unlike in the first few months where those were pretty much his main activities. Ikhwan can be such an obedient and a patient baby boy, without us having to raise our voices, let alone spank him.
For example, whenever we eat, while he waits for us to finish our meals, he would observe us quietly or would just play by himself until we finish. Occasionally, we would also talk to him or try to include him in our conversation during our meals, just so that he won't feel left out. But so far, my wife (especially) hardly needs to stop eating in order to attend to him.
Ikhwan would usually behave for as long as he can unless and until he's feeling really sleepy, or really hungry or he notices his parents haven't realised that his diaper is badly soiled, haha. Ikhwan's extremely good behaviours really make us proud of him. Even our parents and siblings have noticed his good change.
However, during the Raya holidays, with other relatives around, Ikhwan had this sudden change of moods, probably due to tiredness, his disturbed sleeping patterns, the hot weather and the crampy places with all the people around (who mostly he had never met before). Of course, we as his parents felt rather devastated by his crankiness because we knew, Ikhwan was not like that on other days!
Ikhwan's scream and restlessness attracted those around him. To some (relatives), they were understandable enough. But to others, some rather unpleasant remarks came out of their mouths.
I remember in the evening of the 4th Raya, Ikhwan had little rest/sleep due to us visiting a few houses together with my parents. We reached the house after Maghrib, and so we all took turns in performing our prayers. Then, as Isya' entered, everyone was upstairs and I happened to be the only one attending to Ikhwan. It was apparent that Ikhwan was so sleepy at that time and getting him to sleep was not a tough task at all. But just as he entered into the dreamland, there were two cars entering the front gate.
I welcomed the relatives in, telling them that Ikhwan had just fallen asleep. Despite trying to be as quiet as they could when they entered the house (which I was thankful for), Ikhwan was still awaken by them. And this had ignited him to scream and cry.
To the surprise of many, including me (and my wife later on), this was the worst episode. His shriek was painstakingly long and loud before he inhaled his breath for his next painstakingly long and loud shriek. He was also unconsolable. An aunt's attempt to quiet him down also failed.
While I was trying desperately to console Ikhwan (other family members are still upstairs, finishing their prayers), this particular one relative had the inspiration to make some 'remarkable' remarks. Why remarkable? Well, you be the judge:
"Haaa.... dia dah nangis tu Nizar, nak buat camna tu?" (See, now he cries, what are you going to do about it?)
"Biarkanlah dia nangis lama-lama... barulah boleh jadi orang lelaki kuat" (Let him carry on crying for a while.....this will help him grow up to be a strong man) - Errrr....seriously???
"Budak kecik kalau nangis, tak boleh cepat pujuk, nanti dia manja" (A crying baby should not be consoled so quickly, it'd make him a spoilt brat) - Errrr....really???
"Tak payah pujuk dia, dia nak bangun tu, nak jumpa sedara.... ini dipujuk pulak" (No need to console him, he just wants to get up and meet his relatives.....)
"Ada ke dah nangis, disumbat puting, tak boleh bernafas la budak tu!" (How can you put a pacifier into a baby's mouth while he cries? He can suffocate!) - Errrr....never heard such an incident happens before to anyone, mate!
"Ikhwan ada selsema ke, kalau orang dulu-dulu, diaorang sedut hingus tu keluar guna mulut. Kau berani tak nak buat macam tu?" (Ikhwan has a cold? In the past, parents would suck out the mucus from their child's nose using their mouth. Do you dare do that?) - Errrr....what?? Do you really expect me to answer you now???
Saying one thing after another with no pause, I felt like being interviewed by a grown up who at the same time was also showing tantrums :-0. And to say them out so loudly, it was like the relative tried to beat Ikhwan's voice.
I was somewhat disturbed and annoyed by these remarks that I decided to ask for permission to bring Ikhwan upstairs. I could feel that even the other relatives felt that those remarks were inappropriate and untimely.
Some other remarks heard here and there during the Raya holidays:
"Cepat bawa masuk budak tu, kan tengah panas tu?" (Quickly bring the boy in, it's hot!) - Errrr.... we had just stepped out of the car mam, and let me put this cap on my baby's head first before asking my wife to run off into the house with our baby in her hands.
"Panas baju budak ni, sebab tu dia nangis" (The clothings make him feel warm, that's why he cries) - Errrr.... this is a new dress for Ikhwan for this Raya, or you prefer if we let him wear his worn out ones or how about if he stays in his pyjamas then?
"Panas luar ni, bawa masuk".....then after a while........"Panas dalam ni, bawa keluar" (It's hot out here, bring him in...........then after a while..............it's hot in here, bring him out) - Errrr.... arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh, please... make up your mind!!!!!!!!
While Ikhwan's developments are making me proud, the behaviours of some adults hardly impress me. But in the spirit of Raya, of course I'm willing to put everything under the bridge and let bygones be bygones. Just thought of sharing, that's all, nothing more...haha.
Labels: Life, My Children, My Families
posted by The Pisces Man @ 7:24 am
15 Comments:
jangan campur orang, duduk je dekat rumah.
i think you should chill out a bit instead of being too sensitive to opinions that won't hurt you or your child a bit.
Haha.. dat's funny... contrary to your 'advise', WE WILL GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE instead of sitting in the house.
I think the purpose of blogging is to share whatever experiences we encounter, and the experiences include remarks/criticisms/opinions we receive from others.
We can choose to either bottle them up inside (those opinions) and go crazy about them, or let them all go away but still, we feel like telling.
With regard to what I share here, like I said, all is under the bridge but I still feel like telling.
In fact, all of us (including my parents) in the house felt the same way, that instead of bombarding me with opinions that didn't help to ease down my baby's cries, the relative could have at least just quiet down or tried to help a bit...
Chances are you are not parents are you? Being new parents is not easy. Not that we need support from those who are more experienced all the time, but at least, don't bring us down or pressure us....
I'm sure this echoes in all new parents out there, coz I've met them too with similar stories. Don't criticise or ridicule the way we handle our kids, but guide and let us know instead.
You may think such remarks are harmless, but do you know that if such remarks are being bombarded everyday to a mother who had just given birth, this may lead her to post-natal depression (I think the Malay word is gila meroyan).
Btw, have you read blogs by some other people? Haha, they complain about far 'worse' stuffs and about everything - why raining again this evening, why the workplace is smelly, why here and why that...?
I somewhat agree with you Abdun (Nizar).... Imagine a depressed mother who tries to let out her depression and the only 'thing' that comes to mind, is to let out on her own baby. Ugh, that might turn out ugly. Words can affect people and lead to dire consequences, even if it's not our intention.. So, use them wisely.
If you search Shaken Baby Syndrome over the Internet, you'll know that it occurs due to parents' (usually male guardians) desperate attemtps to make babies stop crying. Crying babies can make us get mad sometimes, I admit that! Knowing how you have successfully taking care of Ikhwan on your own a few times now, I salute you. May you never lose your temper EVER, whenever that sweet baby of yours blows his sirens! :-)
I have three kids, FYI, a working parent and no helper. They eldest is 6 and the last two are twins, age 2.
People giving opinions are normal especially when family members gather. If you try to chill out and revisit the things they said, they really meant nothing - no intention to annoy you. I bet, they rarely meet you and your child except for raya or any special occassion. If this is true, I'm not surprised that they make that meaningless noises. Bila lagi nak usik...jumpa pun setahun sekali.I experience this as well.
I know about post natal depression. Just don't go that far. Sometimes in life, you need not be too critical, too sensitive. Think about it. Why bother with their words, just concentrate on the child. You have a double storey house, you see there are many people downstairs, just excuse yourself and bring the child upstairs. Habis cerita.
Anonymous... points taken. Hmmm...I thought this is a light story with a touch of humour, but turns out it portrays me as being too sensitive.
I read in more than one blog before, about some blogger ladies who babble and complaint about relatives who keep asking why haven't they married. As much as I disagreed with what they wrote, surprisingly so many people backed them up in their comments.
So, I wanted to experiment and delve into a similar territory/'genre'... Guess, I'm not as popular as she/they were huh, huhu...
Think the underlying reason why it bothered me at that time (only ok....now? they no longer bother me!) was because of the anticipation I had before Raya, of introducing how good my son is to all the relatives. But when situation turned out to be the opposite (not implying he was a bad boy tho, well, you know what I mean), I guess all those remarks were not helpful in making me feel good about how we raise our kid...
And the fact that I hide the kind of relationships I have with the relatives prove that I still value them. Two, three months down the road, I'd be more interested in the stuffs to write at that time, than looking back at this entry..
Hi Abdun, ni Laila lagi...
this is a much better site about Shaken Baby Syndrome:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/shaken.html
Just thought of sharing coz I know most parents won't even think of abusing their kids, without realising shaking them vigorously is a form of abuse too and sadly, the effects of it are rarely visible.
Tq Laila for your info - this saves me in searching, hehe..
And thank you too for the compliments, tho' it's still too early coz it's a long way road out there...:-)
I always pray that Allah loves and protects my baby, even though I may not be able to love him as much or protect him as good.
How about berdoa to protect ur family esp the little one from evil eyes and the parents themselves beristighfar banyak2 so that ur anger/disappointment will not affect the baby that much? The more u expose the kid to strangers the more uneasy and uncomfortable he may get unless u the parents are always by his side , ALWAYS, even during those few moments before he gets drifted away down the slumberland. And also if the kid has a nanny/bibik that is looking after him constantly, that wouldve make him feel literally protected if not less perturbed by some unfamiliar surroundings. Woteva remarks people make are practically normal whether it shows their sincere concerns or annoyances. Usually those who sebok on crying/cranky/problematic babies are the elder ones, who thinks that they have some "upper hand" in giving some advices regardless how annoying, corny, ridiculous or insensitive they may be. Even some doctors can be such a smart ass (nothing to do with ur wife directly) when giving advices when all the baby needs is a simple warm hug and cajoling and of course, mother's requited loves.
Crying out loud is the only way for babies to express on the many inconveniences and disturbances they are experiencing. Even if i am saying this as someone who's yet to bear a kid even, but my experience with them and through personal observations made me learn so many things on babies. Unbeknown to many, babies actually have sharper instincts towards people's aura. They are like dogs, cats or other highly intelligent animals that could sense feelings far better than a grown up adult even.
IN short, ur ikhwan is a clever boy. He knows what he wants and he acts accordingly. He could be your indirect sensor towards people too if u really put some thoughts into it in a hindsight. UNless, he is experiencing some metaphysical stuff or rasa tak berapa sihat.
And one important note: Baby boy especially, jgn kasi dia nangis teruk2 sangat otherwise he'll get hernia (angin pasang). Sekian dari saya yg sentiasa suka belajar on babies. My comments are my personal opinions....
Wow, I learn a lot of new stuffs here Manal...
And when you said, "He could be your indirect sensor towards people too..." What a freakish coincidence and a good explanation.. If only we can have as sharp instincts as babies towards people's aura, or perhaps we still have that sometimes, that we sometimes feel hatred towards someone we never even knew before.
It's hard when some elder ones who act smart (mouth) when they have little good examples to show to us...
Smart ass doctors? Hopefully none of the patients ever thought of my wife like that (judging from her humility) altho she did say there were patients who complained it was hard to get MC's from her, haha...
You know what made me cry sometimes... the fact that even though I did raise my voice occasionally when attending to Ikhwan on my own... but everytime when he fell asleep and then after he woke up, he'd still wanna play with me (I'm his play buddy while wife is cuddly buddy). It's like he'd still cling on me no matter what....
I am more composed now.. I made it a point everyday, that he's just a baby... His crying is just an indication of something amiss and it's up to me to make him comfortable and safe.
Nowadays, Ikhwan is soooooooooooooooooooo very cheeky... He'd want to touch our faces and hug our hands before he goes to sleep at night. There was one time when I was awaken at night with him next to me (he does have a cot but still sleep with us sometimes), my arm was like a bolster to him. All of his hands and legs hugged my hand real tight.
Now, how can I ever be angry towards such an innocent and sweet child, right? I mean there's no need to be angry if he has done nothing wrong anyway...
Woit Manal, come visit my house for Raya laa...
I think it's normal for you to get upset when you hear other people make remarks about your baby. Like Manal said, these remarks usually come from the older ones because they think they have the upper hand when it comes to dealing with babies and kids.
Do you know what I usually do when these remarks are said? I smile, nod my head and excuse myself from them. Why bother listening to these remarks when all it does is just make me mad. And not at all helping me in sorting out my baby?
People will talk all the time. Sama jugak masa nak kawin. A lot of comments from makcik2 (yg sometimes ntah sapa2 ntah) about the pelamin, about the deco, the hantaran, etc and that I'm sure makes all of us mad.
But back to the remarks, being a first time parent, these remarks can be very let down... I know. Especially after the parents tried their best to give and do THE best for the baby. Nak buat macamana kan. Don't worry lah. People will always talk. If you feel that they're getting to you, ignore them. Take your baby away as quickly as possible and excuse yourself.
This is my opinion, ok. I'm very sorry if it offends you in any way. It really is unintentional. But I do pray you the best in bringing up Ikhwan. Masuk nombor dua nanti, you'll become an expert. So don't worry too much lah about those people saying stuff.
Baby's crying can get us really mad sometimes and that my friend has happened to me too (you know about them). Let's just pray that we are strong to control our temper and all. We wouldn't want to do anything that will make us regret for the rest of our lives.
Hi Abdun, actually all the comments here you can take laa... altho it seems your friends of your age may tend to agree with you :-)
In psychology, one of the ways to alleviate stress is to write down all the problems that we have, what caused them etc etc. A few years down the road, when we read back what we wrote, chances are we may laugh at how trivial they were before.
If those remarks (did) bother you, guess you have done it laa...i.e. by sharing them in this blog. Tho' not sure whether you did intend it this way or just a coincidence.
TQ for the psychiatric evaluation Nita...hahaa... no, sharing them (the remarks) here was not my intention of releasing my stress (if any).
Mel Ija, you are absolutely right... and I think it's also natural for parents to disagree with other people's opinions on their parenting or their kids, especially if they are doing the best they can...
You know those with big mouths, the mouths may belong to men too, hahaa..
Masuk nombor dua nanti, you'll become an expert? Insha' Allah...:-)
Nak jempot ke rumah, email la kita, abdun. Leave ur number and address and maybe i can visit u on the 10 or 11 nov the following weekend inshallah. This weekend tableh...but diwali 8 Nov also can... :-D . It's still shawal to us, right?
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