Penguin RushBad people...
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Whenever there was free time, the eldest niece liked to hear to my wife's stories, from Cinderella to Snow White and stories of her own creations. In all those stories (just like in most other children stories), my wife spoke of the bad characters involved and how their schemes/plots/devious plans hurt the good ones. This was my niece's response whenever she heard about those bad characters:
"Mana ada orang jahat.... orang semua kan baik-baik aja...." (Translation: "There's no such thing as bad people.... all people are nice.....")
Gasp, to this day, her answer appalls me. But can you blame her for being naive? She actually represents all other children in the world, and perhaps us too, when we were young kids. After all, there is this common analogy that goes, children are like a piece of white cloth (represent naiveness and how they are without sins), it is up to the parents/guardians how they wish to paint it.
But then, no matter how beautifully crafted the 'cloth' turns out to be, it is common for parents to worry/fear lest someone or something would tarnish their precious 'masterpiece'. Therefore, other than the parents/guardians, the society is also responsible in shaping all the children.
I think when children reach a certain age (boys or girls alike), we have to sit down and really really talk to them, letting them know that not all people out there are good and not all things are always great. For Muslims, perhaps we can also insert/teach the elements of Haram and Makruh, and tell them there's NO such thing as mildly or moderately or extremely Haram. Haram is Haram, full stop.
We often hear that, one of the things grown ups always tell children is not to talk to strangers. But would you agree telling them just that is no longer enough? I can recall in one episode of a US tv series, a paedophile upon introducing his name, where he lived etc etc to a little girl, he said something like this to her just to persuade her to go with him, "Well, now that you know my name and I know yours, don't you think I am no longer a stranger....?" Freaky huh, but yet such a scenario can possibly happen in the real world.
Gasp, it's like we parents have to think through and explain to our children all the possible scenarios that our children need to know in order to avoid them from mixing with the wrong company or get into unnecessary troubles. I've said this before - raising children nowadays proves to be far more challenging than what our grandparents experienced in the past (minus the war and lacking amenities and stuffs of course).
Some of us may think that good and bad is a subjective matter (or perhaps it's their excuse of doing something bad...?). Hopefully, as the children grow up, their empathy would make them understand why certain people do certain bad things. But let them learn that in their own course because for as long as they are still kids and live under our care, I think we need to clearly define what's good and what's bad, not only to prevent them from doing bad deeds, but also for them to avoid bad people.
A colleague of mine raise three kids with the first two are daughters. She completely agreed with my suggestion the other day that we should keep all the criminal cases reported in the papers, especially those that involve children, as our reminders. In case somewhere down the road, our children (with their raging hormones) can't accept why we are being protective, perhaps laying down all those paper clippings in front of them, can make them understand why....
We can call life all we want, that life is harsh, hard, s***ty, whatever... but no matter how difficult life can be, we still hope whatever problems that we or our children encounter, are something that we can cope with and is common for other people to have encountered the same one way or another, instead of something that NO ONE WOULD WISH FOR, Insha' Allah...
Labels: Life, My Families, Safety issues
posted by The Pisces Man @ 5:34 am
5 Comments:
I so fear for my children. Malaysia is no longer safe. There are many bad people out there. Criminal cases that were unheard of many years ago are simply viewed as normal these days. And the thought of that alone is just so scary. Very scary.
I have a daughter who is very friendly and is not afraid of anyone. I worry about her ALL the time. I make sure that she's strapped on her pushchair all the time. And we rarely let her off it. But you never know kan.
In fact, little boys are also not safe out there. Sick and screwed up maniacs are everywhere these days. So we have to take care of our sons as well.
Scary isn't it?
You are definitely right, Mel Ija. Some say that we cannot be too careful, but then we need to 'berusaha sehabisnya' when it comes to protecting our children, only then we tawakkal. At least we have done the best we can...
Nowadays, Malaysia is indeed a rather scary place with all these criminals, psychos around. But then, luckily weapons are not easily available here, unlike the US. Otherwise, things could have been worse.
That would need a different and more matured approach to explain to our kids on the dangers that might lurk around us. We cant simply keep on saying no to this and that or just "cage" them or basically get too overprotective of them without giving out logical reasons to them 1st n foremost. And not to talk to them like they are very stupid kid. Treat them like a "grown up" kid like quite a few kids i met in the UK and Australia.
Instead of instilling nonsensical fears or unreasonable doubts in them, we can educate them on how to not fall into traps with the so-called strangers. Not everybody is a danger to our kids. If u make them fearful, they wud become hostile or a coward and possibly nasty at times too.
Somehow I want my future kids to enjoy getting into some adventure and yet cautious at the same time , a bit like their mother or hopefully even much2 better. And if i need to put on the dog-like string bound to their bodies and connected to my wrist during our shopping spree like those kids in the UK, i would do so rather than putting all of them in the trolley. Otherwise, i had to ask my future hubby to look after them or stay with them at home. Dah la bukan senang nak mengandung and beranak, pastu senang2 nak biar lepas anak mcm tu....ikhtiar mesti lebeyyy...
Manal, I absolutely agree with you. Generally, kids nowadays are getting smarter and can absorb stuffs easily. Even when they are still babies, their wisdom and quick thinking are already shown.
I guess it all depends on how the parents teach their kids about the world we live in, and also their intention (niat) of doing so. If the parents actually want to 'cage' them, the kids might probably become rebellious (heard that some [rather paranoid] parents prefer home schooling for this reason), but if the intention is purely out of love and concerns for their kids, hopefully the kids can sense that coming out of their parents too.
Eh, I already survey those bags with strings that bound to their bodies. Metro Jaya sells them, and there is this website selling them too...
Yeah, I want my kid(s) to enjoy life and be adventurous too, and not easily get intimidated by life's challenges.
Funny how you put it: Dah la bukan senang nak mengandung and beranak, pastu senang2 nak biar lepas anak mcm tu.... huhu..
So, who's your future hubby laa...?
Let's just take care of our kids and pray that nothing bad will happen to them.
Pisces Man, I've tagged you on something. So please do visit my blog, ok.
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